When I was a boy my grandmother used to take me to the hospital and sit with dying people. She wanted me to have a healthy understanding of death and life. She started taking me shortly after my mother was killed. I remember one time in particular, this woman was on life support. And they were going to disconnect her. I actually knew her, her name was Ruby. And she was possibly the sweetest old lady I had ever met.
They were going to disconnect the life support on Ruby, and I was in the room. I remember feeling sad, I didn’t want Ruby to die. I didn’t want anyone to die.
Then my Grandmother told me to hold her hand.
I kind of froze for a moment, looked over at Ruby. She seemed so still and yet somehow restless.
"You love her don’t you Zac? Hold her hand as she leaves this world."
I was 9 years old. And I reached out and grabbed her hand. I remember the doctor kind of looking down at me. I could tell this was just another day at the office. But he looked back to my Grandmother and said,
“Do you really think this is healthy?”
My Grandmother put a hand on my shoulder and responded;
"His mother, my daughter. Was murdered this year. I want him to know that death is a part of life. And it’s not something to be afraid of."
The doctor looked back down at me, I was still holding Ruby’s hand. Then he sighed and disconnected her.
I remember the sound of the machines shutting down. And watching Ruby’s chest stop rising and falling. Her hand twitched a bit in mine. Firmed up. But I knew that was normal, I’d seen plenty of people die.
But then I felt something. I can’t describe it. It’s like that feeling you get when you know someone just entered the room behind you. You know something or someone was there.
Suddenly. Ruby’s machine stopped beeping. And I looked back up to her. She was gone.
My Grandma patted my head, rustled my hair a bit. Told me I was a good man for holding her hand.
Then we left.
Ruby was the sweetest lady in the world. It’s my sincere hope that I see her when I get to heaven. I imagine she’s going to walk up and hold my hand.
Thank you! But please don’t tell me you’re a “fan” of mine. I don’t want fans. I don’t want a fandom. Be my friend, talk to me. I’m a real person.
Much love :)
Very observant my friend. My hands will tell you quite a bit if you pay attention.
Thank you friend :) Of course I’ll give you a little insight to my life. And really, this relationship is mutually beneficial. You guys give me a lot of comfort and a safe place to work through things. So feel free to stay as long as you want. Just don’t drink the whiskey from the top shelf, and if you eat my lucky charms. Please replace them.
Much love <3